tips for moms with 3+ kids

Before Santa ..

a few details ..

.. the tree again ..

..waiting for the christkindl (evening before christmas - christkindl - not kringl .. comes in Bavaria and brings the presents) ..

.. and even more waiting ..

.. you guessed right .. waiting ..

..finally Santa made it.. (we have no footage of christkindl’s presents yet - however kids got them!)

.. no unwrapping this year - we at least helped lowering the increase of the CO2 level a bit ..

.. no wrapping paper .. but still lots of garbage ..

.. and happiness here ..

.. happiness there ..

.. all over the place ..

.. and everywhere - Happy New Year !

Halloween is going to be fun. Everyone is going to have fun. We are going to paint our faces. We are going to have candy. I can’t wait ’til the Halloween party. The Halloween party is going to be spooky!

(Stuffed Animals “pretending to be” bats)

Lyme Shore Whiting turned 1 on September 13, 2008… here some snapshots on her lucky day…

Mama… When? Mama… Why? Mama… Where? I’m not getting anything done, and the kids want to go outside to play. Especially my 7 year old daughter has a way of sticking around when I’m trying to get things done fast. She’ll invent a complete series of questions which naturally have to be answered with my full attention immediately. I’m a stay-at-home Mom and I practice home-schooling so I devote a good 75 percent of my day to my kids and their questions and I love to explain answers to them and teach them new things. BUT… there are those rare times during the day when I need 5 minutes to clean up the kitchen, brush my teeth, or maybe bake a fresh bread…. so here’s what I did.

Trying to combine the convenience of her leaving the room with a positive learning effect, I decided to just ask her for a favor. I asked her if she could maybe write down all her questions and later when I have time I promise to sit down with her and go through all the questions and answer them. She vanished faster and for a longer period of time than I had imagined and when she came back I was relaxed and had my work done. The whole experience put her in such a good mood and she was so excited that it kind of took me by surprise. I started reading her questions and was really impressed. She had some errors here and there and I asked her politely if I should correct them… this excited her even more and lead to more questions what I had corrected and why… she even told me to do it with a bright orange marker that she could read over it later. Must say everything went over pretty smooth and we were done in about 5 minutes…

A couple days later the idea kind a backfired - but not in too much of a negative way.  She started to get creative and instead of questions she came into the kitchen with a complete page of writing. She said, “Mama… this… you have to read… wait ’til you read this Mama… call me when you’ve read it!” and then she was gone again. Her tone of voice kinda sounded like she was up to something so I stopped everything I was doing, picked up the notebook and started reading. It was an exact description of everything her brothers and sisters were up to.  It read something like this… Zsolt said to Zyge ‘poop’ on the head… Zyge said to Zsolt ‘pee-pee’ on the head… Ginger is in the boys room… It was pretty hilarious because there was a complete page of what everyone had said and done upstairs for the last 5-10 minutes since I had left to work in the kitchen.

The cool thing was that her punctuation wasn’t lacking much (it was actually pretty good!) when writing what everyone had said, so it seemed to be a good time to teach her how to use and apply quotes properly (he said, “….”  and she said, “….”.) It must have made a big impression on her because since then she’s been writing and illustrating her own little stories Five little cats playing on the deck The positive outcome resulted in her not getting so angry and aggressive with her siblings as often. She just writes down what happened instead of trying to discipline them which she always tries but usually fails to do out of frustration and just starts screaming at them all… she is now getting to be a really skilled writer and this phase is pretty much long gone… she doesn’t have enough time because she’s a writer and illustrater now! She’s motivated all her brothers and sisters to write stories as well but I think this might take awhile… but maybe her sister Ginger will follow in her footsteps next year? and then Zsolt? Zygmunt? London? and last but definitely not least Lyme? Oh wow do I have a lot of work ahead of me…. HELP!!! (just kidding - love it!)

Never thought my youngest boy would get along so well with the cat. Being, not the youngest child in the family but the one who at the moment is the smallest able to run around and talk, he seemed to find the little kitten super interesting. He loves watching him sprint across the floor and following him everywhere. They are best buddies especially because the kitten (Dublin) doesn’t mind or complain about London (my 2 year old son) following him around all the time (which isn’t the case with his older siblings… he especially gets on my oldest daughter’s nerves when he decides to hang out in her room for awhile… but actually thinking more about it …. who doesn’t get on her nerves at the moment? Not an easy situation to solve but working on it….).

I gave the kids some old ribbons and showed them how to tease the kitten with them. If all the children play at once with the kitten, he gets kinda bored, maybe just overwhelmed not knowing which ribbon to attack….but when London manages to sneak downstairs by himself (those rare moments when the 4 other children are all engaged in some important activities in their playroom/bedrooms upstairs, like coloring or playing a game) he devotedly lures his friend Dublin like a fish out from underneath the dinner table with his pink ribbon. The kitten never seems to get bored with it, and London is sooo patient and calm he would just stand there for hours fishing with/for Dublin if he could…. but London’s only 2 so with naptime breathing down his neck…. his super hobby doesn’t take up all of his day…. yet!Oh ya almost forgot about London’s second favorite hobby, which is picking up the things his little sister Lyme throws down onto the floor out of her highchair, naturally she only does it with the expectation that London retrieves and returns everything with a big smile….. which he normally holds up to successfully…. but last time this went on for a half an hour and London was looking a little pale and stressed so I think Dublin the kitten was a sudden but welcome change to his now 2nd hobby.

My 7-year old daughter loves to help me with everything… she is the oldest child and has 5 younger brothers and sisters.

(Dublin the cat)
We want her to have a normal childhood but she likes pretending to be a parent more, which is not always to the liking of her smaller siblings and the character being portrayed turns from a responsible parent into a short-tempered frustrated 7-year old whose domination is not being accepted.The good thing is my husband and I are always close by to guide her in her great adventures pretending to be a parent. Our guidance collides many an occasion with her views and opinions, which is pretty normal which leave her fuming, throwing a tantrum …. professionals say don’t worry the older child always wants to dominate ….. just make sure to set boundaries and praise the child’s positive efforts….

Here’s the part where I ask myself what was I thinking? One day after my daughter was envying me for doing a heavy washload, not a child-approved chore so naturally one she was more than willing to take on, I thought she needs something extra, something extra challenging, time-consuming, difficult….. and then it hit me …. she had even mentioned wanting one for over a year…. a cute little kitten…….. I thought to myself (how naiv was I?) it’s perfect… she could pick it out herself, take care of it herself, and learn to be gentle and respectful… cats have no mercy…. have someone to cuddle with and play with who knows how to appreciate her efforts… unlike her brothers and sisters who often want to be left alone and just try something out themselves (this part she never understands!)

So I called her over to my labtop one day after I had found the great humane society animal website.. where you can actually see pictures of all the animals up for adoption. There must have been at least 20 different kittens to choose from….it took quite awhile ….she always has a little difficulty making decisions for herself (not so much for others)… so it was good practice! She wasn’t sure went back and forth between a black, gray or orange cat…she was sure she didn’t want a white one. Also was determined, at first, to pick out a female cat, when I asked why, she said “Mama, only female cats can have babies and later I want a lot of cats”. Oh great I thought, trying not to show too much enthusiasm. She ended up narrowing it down to 2 female kittens, Shadow a black kitten (1st choice) and Alpine, which was an orange and cream colored kitten(2nd choice).

I explained to her then I would have to call the humane society to ask about when and how we could become the owner of the kitten. I called up in a good mood, hi my name is Heather Whiting …my daughter had seen a kitten on their website …. which one she asked… said Shadow.. yes she’s available for adoption the woman replied…. I inquired further about the conditions which apply to adopting a kitten…. OOPS Mistake….. this woman starting asking questions as if I was a potential criminal or terrorist…

1. Have to come to see the kittens and take a tour of the humane society…(thinking this could get complicated with all 8 of us and all the small children asked nicely if it would be possible that only my husband and daughter travel there… she replied normally all family members must sttend but she will ask her manager….leaves me abrupt on hold…replies after several minutes no exception can be mad … I should have just said Thankyou and hung the telephone up then, but no I had to fight for “Shadow”.

2. Said we all come…on to second condition…she asked me if I had a house… I said yes… she said ok.. then continued are you renting or owner? Ummm…renting or actually owner .. no I mean my parents own the house…. She replies you will need a written document allowing you to have the kitten in the house…. Oh, thank god my dad signed we were allowed to have a cat on our rental agreement… I replied confidently no problem my dad gave us that in writing…. she took a short breath…

3. Are you sure she asked…positive I said….she paused, sighed, and spoke the following sentence in an unsatisfied tone: You know even if you do have the confirmation that your allowed to have cats … we do normally ask for the landlord to also be present when adopting the cat and give his blessing…. That was it I was like you have got to be kidding me… We are talking about a kitten here… I mean this was really getting out of hand… 9 people have to travel and be approved to adopt one tiny single little kitten?

In shock and disbelief, especially after seeing their advertisments begging anyone to come and give their stray desperate animals a new home, I just said Ok thankyou we’ll just have to find another kitten for my daughter.

My husband even called back, not believing my story, and spoke with the same woman for another hour, revealing his past jobs, experiences, whatever she requested, and actually finally convinced her and the manager that he could come only with my oldest daughter, the rest of the family was free to stay at home….. oh great super I thought….. wrong again… my husband continued to explain to me the next 3 conditions:

1. They can both come to see the kitten, but the child has to prove she has a good relationship with the kitten to be able to adopt it (Who approves that one? Or is big brother watching over the humane society?)

2. The vetenarian would have to then look at the cat the next day (2nd appointment)

3. If the vetenarian should find something wrong with the cat (or maybe my daugher who knows? ha-ha-ha) the kitten may still not be released to my daughter (we’re talking about high security kittens here… don’t you forget that… not for a minute…)

So with my high security brain I decided to cancel the whole high security kitten adoption to avoid the high security disappointment my daughter may be in for……

Just ended up calling a random telephone number, after reading a “free kittens, potty trained” ad in the newspaper. Got lucky…2 left…even black ones…my daughter had to think about it for like 2 and a half minutes, wasn’t sure because they were male cats but decided like her brothers, boys are ok too!!!!

Our Son was pretty good with going to the bathroom during the day, wears underwear, goes to the bathroom himself, comes to Mama or Papa when he does number 2 and needs his behind cleaned with a moist wipe.

At first he was also not having any problems at night. But after about 6 months of being dry and sleeping in his underwear he got up in the morning all wet. So back to square one we thought. We always put a diaper on him at night, thinking some morning he’ll just wake up and be dry.

Nope, unfortunately, wasn’t the case. We tried everything, waking up during the night to go, waking him up really early in the morning to go. Nothing worked, he always threw a fit screaming saying he didn’t have to go and just wanted to go back to sleep. We just always seemed to miss it, next morning wet diaper again.

He had a doctor’s appointment, and not knowing where to turn I discussed right in front of my son, who was listening intently and smerking at me the whole time, how we were looking for any possible tips and tricks and if it was normal..what should we do?

He gave me the answer you would expect: encourage him, motivate him with positive reinforcement - or maybe with little surprises like stickers - but then he said something which started us thinking…tell him to go to the bathroom routinely like every hour, every two hours… I said ok and we drove home.

Then at home I was thinking…how do we do that..how do I remember once an hour or two to tell him to go to the bathroom? I told my husband we have to set some kind of alarm or something otherwise I’ll definitely forget!

My son happened to be in the room and added excitedly, “Oh yeah Mama, you can give me the swing alarm!”. I was like, “What swing alarm?”..he said.. “You know, the one you always used to let Zygmunt and I know when it was our turn to go on the swing” (unfortunately, we only have one swing at the moment ..). Then I remembered, I used my old cellphone to set the alarm stopclock for five minutes and it would beep like crazy and they would know it was time to switch turns on the swing.

My husband and I thought during the day he does everything perfect so it would’t make much sense, but at night we could try it out.

We tuck our kids in to bed twice, because after the first time normally they uncover themselves, sneaking around between the rooms before they fall asleep. We kept putting his diaper on before the first tuck in and at the second tuck in (late at night, kids are always in deep sleep) set the alarm for 6:30 a.m and put it under his pillow.

Didn’t work. My husband said,  it’s probably set to late so we set it earlier and earlier and earlier. Finally after getting down to 5:30 a.m. it worked. But I think only because he hears the alarm and decides to get up “himself “. And I think it also played an important role that we talked with his doctor in front of him about the problem, somehow he thought that was cool.

Now he’s really proud and always comes to our bedroom in the morning with his dry diaper! We told him if the diaper stays dry for like a month or two straight we can try underwear again…we’ll see.. up to now it looks pretty promising!

Quick tip: trying to get the diaper on and baby’s just not cooperating, try giving her a cream bottle or baby hairbrush lying near the changing table; mine grasps it, plays with it and analyzes it just long enough to lie still for the critical fastening moment of the diaper changing process.

You know how it goes, you think baby isn’t up for feeding time yet, so I could get dinner ready, work on my computer, or vacuum the crumbs underneath the table?….but just in the minute you start to concentrate on doing something else he/she starts …first it’s only a few grunts and squeals but then it turns into a piercing scream from who knows where and no one knows why!

What I found out which really works pretty well is to:

first step -
put him or her in a position where she/he is very close to you and where she can observe you (in highchair, bouncer, or swing).

second step -

talk or even better sing to him or her

if you can’t think of any good songs, doesn’t matter..

sing a description of what you’re doing at the moment or what your going to do next..

For example:

“Just putting the wash in the washing machine..oh now gotta see what program? oh how hot or how cold? Now we gotta turn it on….” and on to the next thing you do!

Inbetween don’t forget to look at her (eye contact) and answer her when she quacks

Saying his or her name inbetween (while singing) is also very good.

Note: You might feel like a lunatic but who cares, when you’re alone with the baby no one else knows and the other kids in the house find it funny and join in on the fun most of the time!

Extra tip: for moms with a partner …babies like to get in on the action .. often when my husband and I are having “Discussions” baby likes to sit right in the middle (in her highchair) as we jabber back and forth at each other! At first she seems to find it fascinating to hear both of our voices discussing a little bit louder than normal and then she just sighs, totally relaxes, and falls asleep. If I don’t let her in on the action she does nonstop protest screaming in her baby bed.

Having 6 children we have a lot of routine things that we do in our daily life. One of them is distributing the children’s vitamins. As most families, all of our children are very different: one is more outgoing, the other one shy; one gets angry more easily and yells, whereas another one just cries; and when they’re happy, one will jump around and dance, another will start talking full of excitement without stopping….

Anyway one day neither my husband nor I had given out the daily vitamin and it was shortly before everyone was going to bed. Everyone was upstairs running around like crazy, putting the toys away, at the same time putting their pyjamas on, and getting ready to brush their teeth. I was downstairs in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes from dinner….all of a sudden my little girl Ginger appears, silent like a mouse, standing next to me…. and in an extremely soft and quiet voice says very confidently but carefully: “Mama, you forgot the vitamins…you can give them to me …I can give them to everyone…” She opened her tiny hand as big as she could, cupping it, as I dropped the vitamins one by one in her hand. Her whole face lit up like a firefly, you could almost hear her giggling for confidence inside, that she finally had conquered her “thing to be in charge of” in a family of eight!

Sure enough..next night…same time and place… there she stood looking up to me and now in a more demanding but in the same quiet reserved tone of voice said, “Mama..you know …the vitamins please…”, and then as soon as her little hand was filled, “..thanks mama”, and off she was…like a little deer, running back upstairs to the rest of the gang. I feel really proud of her for, eventhough she is the least outspoken and most easy-going of all the children, seeing and snatching an (open) opportunity (they are sometimes hard to come by in a family of eight) and then declaring it hers.

Naturally, the third night I had 4 of the 6 children (those who are able to stand and speak at the same time) standing in the kitchen asking if they could be the “vitamin person”…I said no it’s Ginger’s job… the boys heard the word “job” and left the room immediately, but my older daughter, the more outspoken one, persistently asked “well what can I do?” and almost simultaneously, hardly giving me the time to answer her, offers her expertise in “making the baby bed”. After thinking it over for like a milli-second, I replied “oh great idea!” and she ran off elated to the baby’s room.

I just thought to myself “I can’t believe that just worked and it wasn’t even my idea”.